@agentninety9 nope. actually no one really gave a shit until she was about 2, despite all of the dr appts. And she has *no* damage.
— Zoeyjane #5722917730 6 days ago
RT @FierceKitty: this is next level shit. facebook status used as alibi in robbery case. http://bit.ly/2T352X
— Zoeyjane #5639848133 1 week ago
@syrny well, holy shit. (that's all the response I've got)
— Zoeyjane #5632551926 1 week ago
@ColleenCoplick holy shit. I think I just had a planning-orgasm.
— Zoeyjane #5569604406 2 weeks ago
@zoeyjordan shit. You were gonna be mine. Okay, we're either screwed or gonna drive everyone mental.
— Zoeyjane #5524225077 2 weeks ago
@missheathyrm temporarily tradesies? Oh fuck it, you can just *borrow* the kid. Free. ;)
— Zoeyjane #5378666477 3 weeks ago
@Maria0305 I even told him which medications I was willing to try & why/why not. I'm a bossy, over-read bitch.
— Zoeyjane #5356908811 3 weeks ago
FTC disclosure: The previous tweets were not sponsored or in any way paid for by @starbucks. I just really fucking love eggnog chai lattés.
— Zoeyjane #5352488372 3 weeks ago
But you don't want to call and wake her and or a new baby. But she's in Nanaimo and you're all...dammit! I NEED TO KNOW SHIT.
— Zoeyjane #5060509073 on October 21, 2009
Amen. RT @Maria0305 I want to thank @CityCynic for making my friend so fucking happy. She deserves it, and you're awesome.
— Zoeyjane #4687857607 on October 7, 2009
@syrny chickpea/tomato soup. It's good shit.
— Zoeyjane #4381976289 on September 25, 2009
Fucking right. RT @childsplayx2: After seeing @BOREDmommy's post, not really enjoying seeing the #mamavation hashtag at the moment.
— Zoeyjane #4083795229 on September 18, 2009
@chefswidow he's good shit. How are you, stranger?
— Zoeyjane #4070302828 on September 17, 2009
@MommyMelee It's like yogurt. Cept you get a LOT of bread out of the deal. You make friends, cuz you keep giving the shit away.
— Zoeyjane #4069300619 on September 17, 2009
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck. Looks like I'm going job hunting.
— Zoeyjane #4060709596 on September 17, 2009
@smuttysteff that's fucking ridiculous.
— Zoeyjane #3997989918 on September 14, 2009
Text from the ex: I think I have the swine flu. He better be trying (and failing) at being a funny fucker.
— Zoeyjane #3868920219 on September 9, 2009
@AnissaMayhew oh thank god. Because I thought you were sane, and then when I read the W word, I was all That Bitch is CRAZY.
— Zoeyjane #3868869593 on September 9, 2009
@kato66 I'm cheap. And the tub and tile cleaner is THE SHIT.
— Zoeyjane #3867977186 on September 9, 2009
@ColleenCoplick to quote Jay (and obviously not Silent Bob): what the fuck is the Internet?
— Zoeyjane #3857604823 on September 9, 2009
If there wasn't an inside-my-head voice, I'd be screaming very loudly "just go to sleep, for fuck sakes." But there is. #motheroftheyear
— Zoeyjane #3833997977 on September 7, 2009
@julesjulesjules shit.
— Zoeyjane #3813995356 on September 7, 2009
@BackpackingDad fucker.
— Zoeyjane #3811789307 on September 6, 2009
@ColleenCoplick @hummingbird604 fucking right.
— Zoeyjane #3775083108 on September 5, 2009
Between the stress, the not smoking, the uterus and the ever-repeating 3 y.o., I qualify for master bitch status today.
— Zoeyjane #3762332087 on September 4, 2009
Being awake for 28 hours straight when not manic feels fucking sucky.
— Zoeyjane #3740695939 on September 3, 2009
@Bradinator now THAT is a fucking compliment. I'm TOTALLY swf'ing @sugarwilla.
— Zoeyjane #3727438186 on September 2, 2009
Apparently, I'm having a stroke. For the last hour, I can't type and I've been mixing up words. Maybe I'm just really fucking tired.
— Zoeyjane #3725068499 on September 2, 2009
@kato66 Nope. I'm Starbucks' bitch. Soy chai lattes are my poison. But I also like the Rooibos chai lattes @blenzdenman
— Zoeyjane #3721313518 on September 2, 2009
She's lost her fool mind. By that I mean HOLY FUCK child, do you really think the shrieking is going to make me HAPPY? </inner monologue>
— Zoeyjane #3673028222 on August 31, 2009
AWESOME. Today, she had only a cup of milk & a fruit cup. This beats out yesterday's gelato, which at least had some fucking calories in it.
— Zoeyjane #3653233824 on August 30, 2009
@smuttysteff let me know if you want me to send over my super awesome, at-a-glance spreadsheet. It's fucking fabulous. ;)
— Zoeyjane #3630799407 on August 29, 2009
@ColleenCoplick I told you I'd be sad, drink spiller. Thankfully, bitch beer is entirely CLEAR on my white couch. ;)
— Zoeyjane #3630185179 on August 29, 2009
Shit. Forgot soy milk. Where were you on that one, Google Calendar?
— Zoeyjane #3592355415 on August 27, 2009
Phew. IE may be a bitch, but I just spanked her and made her say my name.
— Zoeyjane #3561081179 on August 26, 2009
@temptingmama do you maybe need to tell someone to go fuck themselves? :) *hugs*
— Zoeyjane #3545311198 on August 25, 2009
Apparently, this store is THE SHIT for people veering from the usual sizes: http://www.change.com
— Zoeyjane #3543699367 on August 25, 2009
@Cheaty If you're really concerned about weight loss? I totally think the Skinny Bitch diet is perfect for you.
— Zoeyjane #3506010954 on August 23, 2009
Day six: this shit is getting harder, not easier. Also? The sore throat finally kicked in.
— Zoeyjane #3502098921 on August 23, 2009
Shit. She just coloured all over herself for the second day in a row!
— Zoeyjane #3454438786 on August 21, 2009
Cleansing breath. Hey, I'm still not smoking. Even if he is a fucking douche.
— Zoeyjane #3443740959 on August 20, 2009
@Ahmeha @justonemiss that was fucking perfect.
— Zoeyjane #3434506912 on August 20, 2009
@AdrienneJanelle I. Would. Die. By the end of three weeks, I'm a heinous bitch.
— Zoeyjane #3434453126 on August 20, 2009
@SarcasticMomLC true. I made a commitment to stop giving shit for it when I did that a few months ago. ;)
— Zoeyjane #3421848699 on August 20, 2009
@AVeryGoodYear That's a fucking awesome title. We need patches sewn onto backpacks or something.
— Zoeyjane #3420062124 on August 19, 2009
But Nicorette wasn't kidding when they said vivid dreams. For some one who never dreams, those pod/matrix people were fucked up, yo.
— Zoeyjane #3408315128 on August 19, 2009
@JudithShakes twat-like, even.
— Zoeyjane #3388393232 on August 18, 2009
QotDINFTIH (Quote of the Day I never fucking thought I'd hear): I so excited to go to bed, Mama. (thank you, baby jebus.)
— Zoeyjane #3375163150 on August 17, 2009
@smuttysteff "You can suck a fuck."
— Zoeyjane #3320805514 on August 14, 2009
