Sometimes combining cursewords doesn't work: "Son of a cocksucking bitch." If she had learned to suck would she have gotten pregnant?
— smashedpotatoes #5662054274 1 week ago
.@tweetthief @slugworthy's joke= doing drugs with Steve from Blues Clues. My joke= fucking Steve while high. BIG DIFFERENCE D-BAG.
— smashedpotatoes #5606888567 1 week ago
I couldn't figure out why this notebook was so shitty. It was made in the USA.
— smashedpotatoes #5545500996 2 weeks ago
@GroverViolet I fucking love it.
— smashedpotatoes #4960449089 on October 17, 2009
http://tinyurl.com/ykas8zj the fuck out of this guy.
— smashedpotatoes #4910614327 on October 16, 2009
I look at steak like I'm going to fuck it. #ihatebeingavegetarian
— smashedpotatoes #4906475351 on October 15, 2009
I'm going to. Fucking. Kill you. di Digggital tv.
— smashedpotatoes #4662028918 on October 6, 2009
I'm going to fucking kill you, digital tv.
— smashedpotatoes #4662007635 on October 6, 2009
I always wanted to be a dude or a lesbian just so I could say "I'm fucking your daughter".
— smashedpotatoes #4657309525 on October 6, 2009
@shawnafoster: "How do you get a dolphin to fuck you? Do you pet it on the back?" @frageelay: "It works with me."
— smashedpotatoes #4410377847 on September 26, 2009
In my seat munching on free kinda shitty popcorn for the past five minutes. Two pieces in bra. So far.
— smashedpotatoes #4361202986 on September 24, 2009
In my seat munching on free kinda shitty popcorn.
— smashedpotatoes #4361187128 on September 24, 2009
Will livetweet if the first twenty minutes of movie is shitty.
— smashedpotatoes #4358655888 on September 24, 2009
@jaredwsmith Shit, I was just going to delete tweet to add that!
— smashedpotatoes #4354258475 on September 24, 2009
@WhoForted Shit, I'm seeing it tonight.
— smashedpotatoes #4347259297 on September 24, 2009
Dear Internet- Have I told you lately how much I love you? And your porn? Just don't fuck up when I'm trying to watch Hello Dolly on N ...
— smashedpotatoes #3604068021 on August 28, 2009
@benmarvin Oh, shit, when's #pbrdrinkoff09?
— smashedpotatoes #3324567428 on August 15, 2009
I shit you not: a pair of old ladies just sat down and when the waiter came over he was all "Sherry. *nod* Terry. *nod*".
— smashedpotatoes #3092454901 on August 2, 2009
Cybersex is the ultimate zipless fuck. - kimproper: Unicorn sex! http://tumblr.com/xvj2exus4
— smashedpotatoes #2756882653 on July 21, 2009
Fuck the water cycle, who the hell wants *recycled* water?!
— smashedpotatoes #2666932054 on July 16, 2009
@BakeMyFish We just moved on to a different "fucking". Think more literal.
— smashedpotatoes #2579380875 on July 10, 2009
@summersumz Fuck, that was a good porn name.
— smashedpotatoes #2578884181 on July 10, 2009
@summersumz How the fuck not?!
— smashedpotatoes #2578718604 on July 10, 2009
@BigKoTex Oh. My. Fucking. God. God bless, Texas.
— smashedpotatoes #2578646765 on July 10, 2009
@yhf I'm motherfucking waiting for her to say fuck or some shit to me. What the fuck is she waiting for? Fuck. @summersumz!
— smashedpotatoes #2578638894 on July 10, 2009
@summersumz I'll motherfucking show you what I'm going to fucking do about that.
— smashedpotatoes #2578482819 on July 10, 2009
@dirty You're encouraging people to follow a dick, a cunt, an ass and @GPappalardo @davegorum @roughdiction @beeborg. Guess who's the ass!
— smashedpotatoes #2575888984 on July 10, 2009
Newsguy: "What role will the Weinermobile play in Oscar Mayers funeral?" Me: "... ... No shit."
— smashedpotatoes #2543449967 on July 8, 2009
These brownies are so god damn good I can't stop blaspheming. Good god damn brownies. God damn. Mother fucking Christ.
— smashedpotatoes #2439984352 on July 2, 2009
My dad made me a Cubs fan. Fuck you, asshole.
— smashedpotatoes #2269865584 on June 21, 2009
@JoannaOrcutt Yeah, dads only want to create offspring. It's not about fucking AT ALL.
— smashedpotatoes #2266361493 on June 21, 2009
@PolarBear_ I will mother fucking ravish you my polar bear friend
— smashedpotatoes #2263680139 on June 21, 2009
One night we should just have a Twitter orgy because we're all pretty much fucking each other, aren't we?
— smashedpotatoes #2250101540 on June 20, 2009
I've fucked you so long. #nicerfilmtitles
— smashedpotatoes #2216256444 on June 17, 2009
If this water bottle wastes one more god damn drop of vodka I swear I'm gonna fucking burn it. Slowly. With vodka.
— smashedpotatoes #2113131904 on June 10, 2009
After making someone feel so shitty that they want to commit suicide one must not say "Stop crying".
— smashedpotatoes #2113015282 on June 10, 2009
Even though there's a nice wind going here I still wanna get the fuck out.
— smashedpotatoes #1877841383 on May 21, 2009
@prototype412 You're such a twat.
— smashedpotatoes #1867161556 on May 20, 2009
I don't want to fuck my friend Kevin, I want to help him get fucked. #great friend
— smashedpotatoes #1830502055 on May 17, 2009
God I wanna do the blackahawks #drunk but fuck they're hot
— smashedpotatoes #1824519894 on May 17, 2009
@say_my_name but what can I do when I am drunk and horny? Nobody wants to fuck me.. Except me Lawlzzz
— smashedpotatoes #1824453457 on May 17, 2009
I'm so drunk #drunk I SO don't carravagio about calories right now I wanna fuck koyie hill Is that okay?????
— smashedpotatoes #1824358146 on May 17, 2009
@fatheaddesign Holy shit. Are you having the Jolie-Pitts over?
— smashedpotatoes #1818686227 on May 16, 2009
My niece is finishing her paperwork. Work's a bitch. They gotta lay off the six her olds. http://twitpic.com/4dqkl
— smashedpotatoes #1675671871 on May 1, 2009
I think my sister is jealous of my chest. That or she wants to fuck me. Either one.
— smashedpotatoes #1665060557 on April 30, 2009
#babysitting #newelectriccompany "Heeeeeeey, you guys!" (on tv) Me: "Shuuuuuuut the fuck up, shitty Rita Moreno."
— smashedpotatoes #1643518729 on April 28, 2009
#babysitting #newelectriccompany "Heeeeeeey, you guys!" (on tv) Me: "Shuuuuuuut the fuck up, shitty Rita Moreno." (via @smashedpotatoes)
— smashedpotatoes #1643516552 on April 28, 2009
#babysitting "Heeeeeeey, you guys!" (on tv) Me: "Shuuuuuuut the fuck up, shitty Rita Moreno."
— smashedpotatoes #1643474480 on April 28, 2009
This being born in the 2000s shit freaks me out.
— smashedpotatoes #1632469572 on April 27, 2009
