I was going to put up a new letter today, but this sitting on the couch doing nothing shit is exhausting. I may even go back to bed soon.
— jackassletters #10495291328 6 days ago
@btannebaum has me on a "people-who-get-me" list. This is dangerous because when I make up shit about him he'll seem delusional denying it.
— jackassletters #10056242697 2 weeks ago
@leighmichele No shit I unfollowed you. Look at your timeline and see if you would follow you. Not my fault you're boring. #tweetfail
— jackassletters #9955159946 2 weeks ago
People, if you get a DM from me claiming to be a hot chick my account has not been hacked. I just do stupid shit like that.
— jackassletters #9661344436 3 weeks ago
I said some stupid shit here: http://bit.ly/9POLx0 On www.twitter-fail.com "The Secret to Fewer Followers" You can leave a comment.
— jackassletters #9608070787 3 weeks ago
Attn. Social Media Marketers: If you eat, breathe, and shit Social Media, this calls into question the other decisions you've made in life.
— jackassletters #9314269291 on February 18, 2010
There is a reason @Phlop is on my "people-worth-a-shit" list. I forget what it is though, so follow to figure it out for yourself!
— jackassletters #9266083130 on February 17, 2010
@btannebaum So is it better to ignore him next time? I reported him. He's a persistent fuck.
— jackassletters #9081725167 on February 13, 2010
I feel like Barack Obama. I'm the top score! Fifty-fucking-six! I kick ass! http://twitpic.com/131sul
— jackassletters #9069963203 on February 13, 2010
Is it just me or does @twitter seem to be nine kinds of fucked up tonight? Fails whales and "something went wrong" on every other click.
— jackassletters #8834013630 on February 8, 2010
@TwittleDeDum Unless you mean the "People Worth a Shit" list. That's people who's twitter stream is "real."
— jackassletters #8630648460 on February 4, 2010
Attn. Social Media Marketers: When you talk about Zig Ziglar, Dale Carnegie, Joel Osteen, or Seth Godin our eyes glaze the fuck over.
— jackassletters #8565869860 on February 2, 2010
So glad @forces2 posted spammy stupid shit so I could block and report as spam. It makes my day to do that!
— jackassletters #8565645266 on February 2, 2010
@Deep_Friar Yeah, I'm in Iowa. I see people wearing stupid shit in winter all the time. No kilts though.
— jackassletters #8431944008 on January 30, 2010
I was going to add @Deep_Friar to my "people worth a shit list," but he's already there.
— jackassletters #8013017426 on January 20, 2010
@neonne Yeah, exactly like @kirstiealley and her "Phitter." Fucking tiresome if you ask me.
— jackassletters #8012702860 on January 20, 2010
I wonder who's job at Twitter it is to "Verify" which Britney is the real cocksucker?
— jackassletters #7815094802 on January 15, 2010
RT @btannebaum: @jackieesquire why? So you're a great lawyer-I still can't fucking stand you.
— jackassletters #7694756340 on January 12, 2010
People, when you retweet stupid shit it forces me to go into your profile and stop you from ruining my stream.
— jackassletters #7651959474 on January 11, 2010
Umm, @dowdyism you get my email? A simple "Fuck yeah! That would be cool," or "Fuck you! No way am I being a shill for you" would be fine!
— jackassletters #7183675664 on December 29, 2009
Ah, fuck, I forgot to note my follower count before I started making fun of Christians on Christmas Eve. I bet it's gone up!
— jackassletters #7013349750 on December 24, 2009
Hey, AT&T, when you say you cover 97% of the US population, what you're really saying is you don't give a fuck about 3% of the population!
— jackassletters #6849523458 on December 19, 2009
@eserfbaif @asthehospturRNs @jesdenm @btannebaum @justinewalshe @ThomasSpurlin All day long she says insipid shit in a nasally voice!
— jackassletters #6780555637 on December 17, 2009
Would it be rude if I told the annoying girl she's fucking annoying?
— jackassletters #6776759036 on December 17, 2009
@badnabes Ha! Yes. Send me money. Buy me shit. make me wealthy. Why the fuck else am I on the internet? It's filled with assholes.
— jackassletters #6682473828 on December 14, 2009
When I was a kid we used to beat up those wimps that had to walk to school uphill both ways in the winter. Fucking wooses! #IowaDeathStorm09
— jackassletters #6482668359 on December 8, 2009
I have never had sex with a gopher. Is this "TMI?" I don't think so! I you're unwilling to share, I'm putting you down as a gopher fucker.
— jackassletters #6482238524 on December 8, 2009
@BrettTrout I agree. If less people hid shit we'd all know everyone is as batshit crazy as the rest of us.
— jackassletters #6478215670 on December 8, 2009
The only thing I hate worse than a spammer is a medical fucking quack spammer like @coldsorehelp #block
— jackassletters #6386238559 on December 5, 2009
@RubiesAreBlue & @ddoginsidefilm use TrueTwit validation service, which means they can follow back or not as they see fit. Fuck TrueTwit.
— jackassletters #6293383082 on December 2, 2009
When people retweet shit by people I've blocked. I look both over and see if there was a reason I blocked or if I want to add the RTer.
— jackassletters #6218674973 on November 30, 2009
@slakingfool I loved that fucking show. I had the CDs and everything!
— jackassletters #6099534357 on November 26, 2009
@Bandrik Bottomless fucking steak fries! Red Robin rules. Sign up for the birthday club.
— jackassletters #5955613821 on November 22, 2009
@TwittsMcGee Put the dog in the fucking basket!
— jackassletters #5723592377 on November 14, 2009
Thanks @twitter for fixing the "in reply to" links. It was driving me fucking mad!
— jackassletters #5693332335 on November 13, 2009
If you make a donation on my site I promise to use the money only for medical costs, site expenses, cat food, or porn. Scouts fucking honor!
— jackassletters #5595878508 on November 10, 2009
I am thinking of writing "The Evil Unethical Rat-Bastard's Guide to Social Media Marketing," but I'm afraid there's not enough trees.
— jackassletters #5581176320 on November 9, 2009
Fruit bats having oral sex as drawn by Mie Wang: http://tinyurl.com/ygb2cse Yeah, even I can't make this shit up.
— jackassletters #5520357592 on November 7, 2009
You know that follow friday #ff stuff? My answer is the "people worth a shit" list. More will be added. It's a work in progress.
— jackassletters #5494679113 on November 6, 2009
I added @_T_a_y_ to my "people worth a shit" list when she invited me to "triple team a chicken" with her. I don't know what that means.
— jackassletters #5466137497 on November 5, 2009
Fuck yeah! @ThinkingStiff I saw you on Twitter Fail http://bit.ly/4Bg4bB
— jackassletters #5345693134 on November 1, 2009
Am I the only one that uses @Echofon to favorite shit people like @ArianaCherry99 say so I can block and report as spam later?
— jackassletters #5031484144 on October 20, 2009
Kid in balloon: http://bit.ly/PlyDd Can't make this shit up!
— jackassletters #4896514004 on October 15, 2009
Fuck, I am so cold I am ready to rub two sticks together for warmth!
— jackassletters #4848973406 on October 13, 2009
@tweet_fail No answers. The surgeon passed me to a specialist. Mass is too close to nerves and a gland he's afraid of fucking up.
— jackassletters #4820976774 on October 12, 2009
I'm going to go on the record and say that Dakota Fanning creeps me the fuck out.
— jackassletters #4796505598 on October 11, 2009
I honestly think @Dropbox is the coolest thing since Dig Dug. A 2GB account is free. http://bit.ly/KfThq Mac, PC, Linux. It fucking rocks!
— jackassletters #4749943879 on October 9, 2009
@Twisty58 Fuck, really? You're not in there? Corrected.
— jackassletters #4672385881 on October 6, 2009
I was having kinda shitty day, then signed on twitter and saw that someone let @billcrosby back on. Now my day's not kinda shitty.
— jackassletters #4665256493 on October 6, 2009
