They way to a woman's heart is… Fucked if I know.
— donchiefnerd #5686995290 1 week ago
Drinking lots of water with meals that I've cooked is a lot like using a plunger. Sometimes that shit needs some help going down.
— donchiefnerd #4697111590 on October 7, 2009
This morning a gas pump asked me to take a Facebook quiz to see which fuel grade I was. Fuck you, ExxonMobil Web 2.0.
— donchiefnerd #4526800154 on October 1, 2009
The first rule of Office Rest Room Club is everybody talks shit about the person who was in the stall before them.
— donchiefnerd #4005850160 on September 15, 2009
"It didn't happen like THAT." "I know. This is the 'joke' version." "But…" "You don't know ANYTHING about comedy, do…" "Fuck you."
— donchiefnerd #3296964746 on August 13, 2009
I'm on the Green Monster motherfucker, Take a look at me! http://yfrog.com/5o1v5j
— donchiefnerd #2879741497 on July 27, 2009
My tweets are lame today. Is there such a thing as comedy liniment? Fuck it, just shoot me.
— donchiefnerd #2761984935 on July 21, 2009
[Bloody hell|Fuck] don't get your [knickers|panties] in a Twitter. [Internationalisation|Internationalization] It just makes sense.
— donchiefnerd #2686586650 on July 17, 2009
@navanax You need to have that one stand on its own without the @'s. Crackin' me the fuck up. Fuck off. <- my @UCMike impersonation.
— donchiefnerd #2645071816 on July 14, 2009
@talks_in_maths Fuck, yeah! #realhemen
— donchiefnerd #2605556866 on July 12, 2009
What's the etiquette on favorite-ing with regard to live tweeting an event? 1) all 2) none 3) first 4) last 5) fuck off, nerd
— donchiefnerd #2556706866 on July 9, 2009
Yo, @crackbarbie! Fuck off. He should have to earn his followers the hard way. I bribed all of my followers with Hot Pockets.
— donchiefnerd #2545440057 on July 8, 2009
@donchiefnerd An "old guard" I followed DMed saying "you gotta star that shit. Be funny and maybe I'll follow back." That was it for me.
— donchiefnerd #2544048590 on July 8, 2009
@BakeMyFish I think your 10,000th follower has special shit stink removal powers.
— donchiefnerd #2543130602 on July 8, 2009
@trotzke That seals the deal. I'm quitting my job, selling my possessions and moving to Bloomington to be @sproutbox's bitch.
— donchiefnerd #2516876424 on July 7, 2009
@CampNicole Fucking A!
— donchiefnerd #2491159061 on July 5, 2009
Oh shit! PETA is on my ass now. I hope they don't know about tweeleted. Shit!
— donchiefnerd #2476831029 on July 4, 2009
@navanax Shit! Sorry! I meant "You need help, however. [smiliy face]"
— donchiefnerd #2444670411 on July 2, 2009
The man really CAN just put shit in that cup and sell if for $4.50, can't he?
— donchiefnerd #2428468561 on July 1, 2009
I follow @Zaius13 because half the shit he says mostly cracks me up a lot of the time. Related: He also sets chicks on fire. I like that.#ff
— donchiefnerd #2350315951 on June 26, 2009
@BakeMyFish I wish it was @mileycyrus because, damn! Anywho, feel free to annoy the shit out of her.
— donchiefnerd #2346590041 on June 26, 2009
My stuff was great when the shit was down, but now that the shit is back up I got no stuff. I wish I had my stuff and that's no shit.
— donchiefnerd #2318976487 on June 24, 2009
I went to bed early. I woke up early. I'm sick, poor and stupid. Fuck you, Benjamin Franklin.
— donchiefnerd #2298604850 on June 23, 2009
