Michael Vick said he, "paid his debt to society." Fuck you, Michael Vick. Saying that clearly shows you have no remorse and no soul. Idiot.
— UCMike #3329091336 on August 15, 2009
Shouldn't someone be evaluating the truthfulness of advertising? "It's way better than fast food, it's Wendy's." That's just a fucking lie.
— UCMike #3328989766 on August 15, 2009
Wife on IM: "Damn and she bred three too. Great, those values running around in the world. Thanks fucking fruit loop." *Tears of joy*
— UCMike #3313979835 on August 14, 2009
You fucking whores are way too funny for a Thursday. Friday = Productivity ZERO➤
— UCMike #3297630249 on August 13, 2009
It ain't broke if I've got enough duct tape to SHUT YOU THE FUCK UP.
— UCMike #3296948126 on August 13, 2009
Silly me. Today's date isn't "FUCK THIS! I'M OUTTA HERE!" (via @Aimee_B_Loved)
— UCMike #3275436999 on August 12, 2009
Just struck a pose . . . in a crosswalk . . . with my car . . . I had a green light. (Just dreaming of killing this stupid motherfucker.)
— UCMike #3268785655 on August 12, 2009
The wife and I woke up on the same side of OUR FUCKING JOBS SUCK.
— UCMike #3264291475 on August 12, 2009
The best way to answer a question that was never asked is to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
— UCMike #3251233519 on August 11, 2009
Driving tests should be more practical. Like guage whether or not you can FUCKING DRIVE.
— UCMike #3248230294 on August 11, 2009
I've got a bucket full of fuck it.
— UCMike #3246365181 on August 11, 2009
Biked 20 miles in the rain last night and realized this morning that I'd rather bike through an arctic storm than sit in this fucking chair.
— UCMike #3244418754 on August 11, 2009
@trixieboots That was some cold shit you just typed.
— UCMike #3226442175 on August 10, 2009
#ff If you're unsure how to properly use the word fuck in a sentence, @therealcherilyn will gladly lube your larynx.
— UCMike #3187314529 on August 7, 2009
@NotHot And then somebody thought Leonardo DiCaprio did such a good job in that movie that he'd be perfect for Titanic. FUCK FUCK FUCK THAT.
— UCMike #3185310777 on August 7, 2009
RT @Tristanstoes If you don't fucking follow @UCMike you're fucking stupid. // I have to fucking agree with her. Fucking right I do. Fucker.
— UCMike #3185245735 on August 7, 2009
How is it that no one was imprisoned for the 1996 making of "William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet"? Fucking sacrilege.
— UCMike #3185083754 on August 7, 2009
That was the first crack in my I don't give a shit attitude. Time for a break. See you next week, maybe.
— UCMike #3180169937 on August 7, 2009
Okay, I just gave somebody shit for not following me. I should probably quit Twitter now.
— UCMike #3180142660 on August 7, 2009
If this shitty weather doesn't let up, I'm not going have enough depression left for the winter.
— UCMike #3149240351 on August 5, 2009
In case you missed it earlier . . . FUCK OFF.
— UCMike #3149077619 on August 5, 2009
fuck fucK fuCK fUCK FUCK
— UCMike #3148272349 on August 5, 2009
@therealcherilyn Well, that explains why you're so fucking angry.
— UCMike #3133928454 on August 4, 2009
Did I sell out and somebody forgot to tell me? No? Then go fuck yourself.
— UCMike #3124880201 on August 4, 2009
Everything is pissing me the fuck off today. There will be carnage.
— UCMike #3123795713 on August 4, 2009
If I see one more cute kid today, I'm turning this motherfucker off.
— UCMike #3109910848 on August 3, 2009
@therealcherilyn For fucks sake, leave me some fucking fucks will ya?
— UCMike #3107461776 on August 3, 2009
I just don't give a fuck. It's not you, it's the nothingness.
— UCMike #3055613183 on July 31, 2009
Off to a bonus day of training. It's like winning the "Fuck Work" lottery . . . or, the lesser of two enemas.
— UCMike #2929065517 on July 30, 2009
Disappointment is falsely emoted when the expectation is reliant upon the decision making ability of a FLAMING FUCKING TURD.
— UCMike #2920578031 on July 29, 2009
Life's fucking mysteries: I wonder what the world would be like if instead of people being anointed, jobs were earned.
— UCMike #2917060519 on July 29, 2009
My get up and go just beat the shit out of your sit there and watch.
— UCMike #2913177188 on July 29, 2009
BTW, referring to your vagina as "lady bits" is NOT hot. It actually makes me think of Kibbles 'n Bits and what a freaky fuck you are.
— UCMike #2900607790 on July 28, 2009
It's wrong that I feel guilty about not having time for Twitter. Wait, it's work's fucking fault again. Fuck you, work. That's better.
— UCMike #2900523913 on July 28, 2009
Do I get a prize? http://favstar.fm/top-favs-per-follower No? Does it make me look like a bad ass? No? Do you want to fuck off? YES? Good.
— UCMike #2899992359 on July 28, 2009
Fuck you letter "R." you can't hide for long, bitch.
— UCMike #2871148285 on July 27, 2009
Another night of sobriety. Another morning with a headache. Another tweet asking, "what the fuck?"
— UCMike #2838000976 on July 25, 2009
Fuck you, I'll lie if I want. @EightBitsShort is as funny, creative and original as anyone on Twitter. And sometimes I get @angstwithcheese.
— UCMike #2825732682 on July 24, 2009
HOLY SHIT, I just got an e-mail with the summary of our staff retreat evaluations. This is GOLD. You know what's coming. . . .
— UCMike #2824642085 on July 24, 2009
@mtrazz That was fucking hilarious. You win.
— UCMike #2805140184 on July 23, 2009
Ahhhh . . . fuck you.
— UCMike #2804344040 on July 23, 2009
Twitter whores: so many definitions, so little I fucking care.
— UCMike #2798119477 on July 23, 2009
I really wish I could fit a bigger FUCK in this box.
— UCMike #2798094746 on July 23, 2009
Motivation is a fickle fucking whore.
— UCMike #2797701763 on July 23, 2009
Motivation if a fickle fucking whore.
— UCMike #2797697265 on July 23, 2009
I didn't drink a fucking drop last night. Yet, I'm still fucking exhausted today. What the fuck is the point of sobriety again?
— UCMike #2782467699 on July 22, 2009
I quit Twitter the day this fucking meme started. #lameclaimtofame #wayback
— UCMike #2776839646 on July 22, 2009
I quit Twitter the day this fucking meme started. #lameclaimtofame
— UCMike #2761709744 on July 21, 2009
Life is clearly better with humor but does it have to be such a fucking joke?
— UCMike #2760779455 on July 21, 2009
