Holy shit, imagine Whoopie Goldberg naked. She has the sex appeal of a terrible fire at an elementary school.
— TheFatJew #5498772102 2 weeks ago
People say Jewish men have small penises and it's completely fucking true. Imagine a newborn baby making a fist, that's the size of my junk
— TheFatJew #5469361042 2 weeks ago
Many stores wont sell kids eggs on halloween so they buy other shit, like produce. One year i got hit in the face with a squash
— TheFatJew #5277525820 3 weeks ago
Ever wanted to see the most epic house in the history of shitty neighborhoods? You're welcome http://yfrog.com/0slouisvuittonhousej
— TheFatJew #5272714379 3 weeks ago
Many have been Batman for Halloween, few were fucking great like this guy. Love his latino mustache! http://yfrog.com/1nlatinbatmanj
— TheFatJew #5269563444 3 weeks ago
Swine flu is kind of scary but Beyonce with Jay-z's face photoshopped onto her is FUCKING TERRIFYING http://yfrog.com/03beyoncezij
— TheFatJew #5211712289 on October 27, 2009
@Tyrese4ReaL Tyrese, your dick is probably so much bigger than mine. Not in a gay way, i'm just saying my shit looks like a babies thumb
— TheFatJew #5166784306 on October 26, 2009
On tour once I got too drunk in my hotel room, took a log of my shit out of the toilet (with a towel) and wrote my name on the walls with it
— TheFatJew #5125189167 on October 24, 2009
Making my intern scoop out the inside of a jelly donut and fill it with lo mein just because I fucking feel like it. I love having interns
— TheFatJew #5047016328 on October 21, 2009
My rap group's wikipedia page is fucking gold. It mentions that i often perform in just a thong Timberland boots http://tinyurl.com/yl45cfe
— TheFatJew #4925954167 on October 16, 2009
It's so fucking epic that homeless people have now started accepting money via paypal, the future is nowwwww http://pic.gd/24624b
— TheFatJew #4920909836 on October 16, 2009
it's so fucking epic that homeless people have now started accepting money via paypal, the future is nowwwww http://twitpic.com/lr3iz
— TheFatJew #4920696315 on October 16, 2009
Unnecessary Confession: When I was 14 I put vasoline inside one of those orange blow-up things kids wear on their arms to swim and fucked it
— TheFatJew #4847238643 on October 13, 2009
I finally found a girl I wouldn't sleep with! She added me on facebook and is fucking terrifying http://yfrog.com/5e23oj
— TheFatJew #4737748320 on October 9, 2009
McDonalds is genetically engineered to be incredibly fucking delicious. Hating it is un-american, its like bitch slapping George Washington
— TheFatJew #4702265382 on October 8, 2009
There's a homeless man drinking a jar of Ragu tomato sauce on 14th street. I fucking love new york so much.
— TheFatJew #4572133416 on October 2, 2009
Growing up in New York you learn special things, like indentifying homeless man shit by smell. It's sour, like regular shit soaked in lemon
— TheFatJew #4547729658 on October 2, 2009
Being "The Fat Jew" on Yom Kippur is awful, fasting all day is a fucking nightmare. I'm peeing and i seriously might eat the urinal cake
— TheFatJew #4447917931 on September 28, 2009
I have cousins in Seattle I've never met, one added me on facebook HOLY SHIT PLEASE LOOK AT THIS GUY http://yfrog.com/05ktnj
— TheFatJew #4298852711 on September 22, 2009
Another amazingly awkward facebook moment. God bless the internet. Fuck yeah. http://yfrog.com/58fchj
— TheFatJew #4156100337 on September 21, 2009
I love when Google completes my sentences with hilarious suggestions. Google is a funny motherfucker http://yfrog.com/7g71pj
— TheFatJew #4118109188 on September 19, 2009
I'm so drunk right now I would fuck Samantha Ronson
— TheFatJew #4070606093 on September 17, 2009
Every so often I like to post this photo to remind you of the most confusing/ awesome/ awful shit you've ever seen http://mypict.me/FRkQ
— TheFatJew #4067022721 on September 17, 2009
Took a huge shit at the Baby Phat fashion show in a one-man bathroom, clogged and overflowed the toilet, Ice-T walked in right after me
— TheFatJew #4021153392 on September 15, 2009
Crushed up and snorted one of my dad's Rogaine pills last night to see if it would get me fucked up. It didn't. I'm not making it to age 35
— TheFatJew #4016286046 on September 15, 2009
I ran out of the fat girl's apartment im in a taxi in my boxers holding a box of pretzels and a 10 dollar bill this night is fucking amazing
— TheFatJew #3835830185 on September 8, 2009
Video game that never came out because it would be not fun and fucking depressing: "Philadelphia," based on the movie http://mypict.me/z1JX
— TheFatJew #3826342465 on September 7, 2009
No matter how old you get, or how fucking mature, high-brow, or refined you get, this picture WILL ALWAYS BE FUNNY http://mypict.me/xz53
— TheFatJew #3781160550 on September 5, 2009
I genuinely believe that I could beat the shit out of 25 14-year old girls at one time. I just made myself LOL
— TheFatJew #3761155107 on September 4, 2009
To whoever created these bedazzled booty shorts made out of beef jerky: you are a truly a fucking great American. http://tinyurl.com/myb3mw
— TheFatJew #3720817661 on September 2, 2009
I will pay anyone 150$ to make me a thong out of cooked fettucine and FedEx it to me to wear to the VMA's on the 13th. FAST CASH FUCK YES
— TheFatJew #3720634672 on September 2, 2009
Some mornings I put champagne in my Captain Crunch cereal instead of milk which tastes so fucking awful but it's such a good look for me!
— TheFatJew #3596680768 on August 28, 2009
This may be the funniest shit I've ever seen on a social networking site. I choked on the scone i was eating http://yfrog.com/5hfacebookhp
— TheFatJew #3537062651 on August 25, 2009
Pool party yesterday was epic, people were jetskiing in the pool I was on ecstasy and took a shit in the hot tub after dark. MAKING MEMORIES
— TheFatJew #3515650843 on August 24, 2009
At a fundraiser tonight I put my mouth under the chocolate fountain, screamed fuck you at David Schwimmer while being thrown out. IM ON FIRE
— TheFatJew #3485903776 on August 22, 2009
Getting a new tattoo next week, it's gonna be a clown puking a rainbow. Fuck yeah. http://mypict.me/pj8M
— TheFatJew #3474086778 on August 22, 2009
If you've been wanting to see a photo of Jeopardy host Alex Trebek shirtless, I JUST HOOKED YOU THE FUCK UP. http://mypict.me/piGZ
— TheFatJew #3473876093 on August 22, 2009
Just texted my intern "Get the fuck out of bed, go buy a few gallons of duck sauce and fill my hot tub with it or you're fired" She hates me
— TheFatJew #3399623203 on August 19, 2009
I often wonder why im so weird and such a fucking maniac, then i find this photo of my dad from 1978. Makes sense http://yfrog.com/0gdadmjfj
— TheFatJew #3367117537 on August 17, 2009
Got experimental and put a Big Mac in the blender with white wine and made a smoothie. Go ahead, hate, but this shit is mind blowingly tasty
— TheFatJew #3254050073 on August 11, 2009
Imagine Lil' Wayne fucking Whoopi Goldberg, it would be so crazy to see because it would look like Lil' Wayne having sex with himself!
— TheFatJew #3054958863 on July 31, 2009
Do you love weird internet shit as much as i do? Here's a bunch of paintings of Obama naked with unicorns http://tinyurl.com/lzmmb7
— TheFatJew #2903126498 on July 28, 2009
Another reason Asia is fucking amazing and in the future: a baby outfit that makes the child a floor cleaner http://yfrog.com/7gbabymopsj
— TheFatJew #2846831738 on July 25, 2009
The most amazing/ confusing billboard of all time. The world is a pretty fucking ridiculous place. http://yfrog.com/0wbillboardbj
— TheFatJew #2837692605 on July 25, 2009
I just ate an entire bagel IN ONE BITE. I started choking, couldn't breathe and now my anus hurts, but it was worth the fucking glory
— TheFatJew #2829812660 on July 24, 2009
Any man who tells you he's never jerked off, immediately fell asleep and woke up with his semen dried on his stomach is fucking lying
— TheFatJew #2820031712 on July 24, 2009
Have my antics gone too far? I went to a house party, took a shit in the piano to be funny, 2 cop cars just pulled up to my house. Fuckkkkkk
— TheFatJew #2816011213 on July 24, 2009
Should I put my homemade porn movie on twitter? It's me banging a 260 pound girl with curly hair and back acne, it looks like me fucking me
— TheFatJew #2731453080 on July 19, 2009
I would literally bitch slap my mother across the face for a room temperature Whopper with cheese right now.
— TheFatJew #2714982944 on July 18, 2009
