Since the arrival of twitter it seems I now get thru my days one stupid tweet at a time. And RT'in my shit is only encouraging me :)
— Rationalists #5873664627 1 day ago
@athenataylor96 It should concern you that God looked down from Heaven upon the Holocaust, and thought 'Nah fuck it, too busy doing nothing'
— Rationalists #5820646353 3 days ago
Every time you take the elevator down from the second floor, God kills a really fucking lazy kitten. (via @katefeetie )
— Rationalists #5787388861 4 days ago
Shit! Not a single star for that. Praise God.
— Rationalists #5606848374 1 week ago
Bastard! ;) @mattchuk04 Dinesh D'souza was actually planning on "god loves you, love him back" to continue his theme of stolen book titles.
— Rationalists #5581925902 2 weeks ago
Dear God. Two earthquakes in past two days here in Indonesia. Can ya sort this shit out? Enough with the resting. Amen. P.S: Dick!
— Rationalists #5138029901 on October 24, 2009
Nothing says "I'm now ready to listen to what the fuck you have to say" quite like Xanax™
— Rationalists #5135844561 on October 24, 2009
Some dogs are smarter than others. My labrador just knows shit. Well the 'how to' part she has down anyway
— Rationalists #5010653542 on October 19, 2009
Sadly it would be Columbus Day here in Indonesia had the fucking east coast of USA blocked his path. Selemat Hari Columbus Indonesia!
— Rationalists #4812478882 on October 12, 2009
Indonesia: Where the earth's plates move, but this fucking traffic jam doesn't...
— Rationalists #4621435712 on October 5, 2009
"Fuck Goliath, kill the T-Rex first!!", yelled David in the new science version of the Bible.
— Rationalists #4596293822 on October 3, 2009
Hot chick at 5 o'clock!! No no, my 5 o'clock. Oh fuck it. Right in front of you!!
— Rationalists #4596177496 on October 3, 2009
Honestly, I'd rather have caught my wife fucking than her laughing at his jokes.
— Rationalists #4591216783 on October 3, 2009
Can you pls talk to me while I fall asleep. Tks mate :) RT @fanofrob @rationalists lol your a funny bastard!
— Rationalists #4519736143 on October 1, 2009
"Do you want some fries with those shakes?"... PUNCH!!.... "He has Parkinsons you insensitive fuck!"
— Rationalists #4516347608 on September 30, 2009
From today forth my god is Thor, because he has a hammer. And if he is handy with the tools he will get shit done. Praise Thor. #atheism
— Rationalists #4513100854 on September 30, 2009
Oh Indonesia I love you, but I don't think God feels the same way. But he's a wicked bastard, so never mind. Stay safe!
— Rationalists #4500027732 on September 30, 2009
The Muslim seated next to me looks scared. Fuck! She believes in God & is worried. I've got to make a poop now.
— Rationalists #4409061013 on September 26, 2009
#iamsinglebecause I love good looking women....SHIT! Wife coming...delete tweet. I said "DELETE TWEET"....umm nothing honey!
— Rationalists #4408429517 on September 26, 2009
@dknj727 The Bible was written by ancient men 2-4,000 years ago. Whilst the God they worshipped is an evil bastard, the writing is inspired.
— Rationalists #4407903724 on September 26, 2009
I wonder what the Uzbeks are doing today? No one gives a shit about the Uzbeks, & I think we need to address this. #uzbeksWantaHug
— Rationalists #4382797151 on September 25, 2009
I make one joke about US Military Intelligence & now @IamMilitary is following me. Shit these guys know everything. How do I delete a tweet?
— Rationalists #4358526399 on September 24, 2009
Born again Christian? No way dude! I'm a Die Later Atheist. Or the DLA as we prefer to be called. Now fuck off
— Rationalists #4334849916 on September 23, 2009
Imagine if God was your psychiatrist? "Well it sounds like you..look I really don't give a shit!"
— Rationalists #4044105624 on September 16, 2009
If we mourned every celebrity's death, we'd be fucking exhausted, & never concern ourselves with real issues. #mydailysermon
— Rationalists #3998339035 on September 14, 2009
Texas is the most pious state in USA. Also highest violent crime rate. Conclusion: God is an evil bastard. Run #atheism
— Rationalists #3991316124 on September 14, 2009
#iseeyou shaking that ass shaking that ass....who writes these lyrics? Or maybe sometimes shit just writes itself!
— Rationalists #3934284292 on September 12, 2009
What Obama should have replied: "I am a liar? Well at least I'm not named after a fucking volleyball, fool!" #joewilson
— Rationalists #3885099725 on September 10, 2009
If I had Tourette's - I'd choose "Four Fucking Four!!" as my outburst words, and then sneak up behind on golfers.
— Rationalists #3818370208 on September 7, 2009
Explore your limits by going to extremes. Fuck harder, drink more, get higher and live like you're trying to break a record. (via @_satan_ )
— Rationalists #3792676440 on September 5, 2009
I finally got the phone number for God. It's 555 - 764...wait! Shit! That's not a real number. Damn you Father Douche! #atheism
— Rationalists #3755816422 on September 4, 2009
@kirstiealley Perez Hilton's real name is Michael Hunt. Sometimes this shit just writes itself. Good luck! :)
— Rationalists #3747949758 on September 3, 2009
God. Duh! RT @FunnyJoker Why, when you go to the toilet on a plane, the window is frosted? Who the fuck can see you have a shit at 34,000ft?
— Rationalists #3746216843 on September 3, 2009
Jesus' final words to his disciples as he was being nailed to the cross: "Well isn't this just fucking great?" #atheism
— Rationalists #3746011988 on September 3, 2009
Eve was one brave broad. If I see a snake I run. If one spoke to me I'd shit my pants. #bible #atheism
— Rationalists #3745779927 on September 3, 2009
God: "I created light on day 1. On day 4 I created the sun. Wait! Fuck! I really said that?" #atheism #bible
— Rationalists #3710969617 on September 2, 2009
@funbiblequotes You glorious bastard you! ;)
— Rationalists #3654625853 on August 30, 2009
RT @joeschmitt ..most people are still full of shit.>>But how many have been full of Schmitt!
— Rationalists #3579995175 on August 27, 2009
30AD:"Father why have u forsaken me?" 2009 translation: "Fuck you, you fucking fuck!" #atheism
— Rationalists #3474563059 on August 22, 2009
@sarahKsilverman Holy shit! You take the 1st Ammendment to its limits. i think that's why I love you, or maybe it's your ass.
— Rationalists #3462884100 on August 21, 2009
I am now drinking a Bloody Mary in Tokyo. It tastes like shit, but it's free, so therefore it tastes good.
— Rationalists #3395763022 on August 18, 2009
#fact God made his beloved prophet Ezekiel eat nothing but bread smeared in human shit for 430 consecutive days. #atheism
— Rationalists #3360280031 on August 17, 2009
God makes his prophet Ezekiel eat nothing but bread smeared in human shit for 430 days. Shit sandwiches! I love this guy! #atheism
— Rationalists #3327667155 on August 15, 2009
Bible credibility: "Joshua saw the Promised Land, BUT standing in the Israelites way was a fucking big dinosaur!" #atheism #judaism
— Rationalists #3304697679 on August 14, 2009
"You are bluffin with my muffin." -Lady Gaga > sometimes shit just writes itself
— Rationalists #3256784942 on August 11, 2009
@jeremypiven I saw the trailer. 'The Goods' looks funnier than...shit i'm stuck for a metaphor...just funny!
— Rationalists #3255050986 on August 11, 2009
#adamisback and he is pissed with Eve. "You know I hate apples woman, and who the fuck talks to a snake?" #atheism
— Rationalists #3160552283 on August 5, 2009
Good move by Obama in sending the first Black President of the US to sort shit out in North Korea.
— Rationalists #3146815796 on August 5, 2009
Clinton & Gore still getting shit done! #Northkorea
— Rationalists #3145027197 on August 5, 2009
