I'm still alive and'll be back in a few days after I get my stress to bearable levels or sooner if a celeb dies or I take a tweetable shit.
— lovabledoofus #5247533758 3 weeks ago
Fuck Columbus! It's Free Thought Day. Google it. We should celebrate that instead. Agree with me or I'll never star your tweets again.
— lovabledoofus #4815870645 on October 12, 2009
RT @debihope Some usernames really are truth in advertising. OMG That is sooooo true. Oh wait. Shit.
— lovabledoofus #4543473939 on October 1, 2009
I just discovered a great way to let someone know you hated their tweet! NINJA STARS! SHIT! 20 of something just wizzed past my face.
— lovabledoofus #4529438840 on October 1, 2009
#thankugod for giving me the strength to stay away from using trending topics in my tweets. Aw fuck.
— lovabledoofus #4163743536 on September 21, 2009
Shit! @PolarBear_ caught me testing my Future Tweet Stealer 1.0™ on @yuki___ before unleashing it on @theduty. Bwahahaha BWAHAHAHA <cough>
— lovabledoofus #3980086951 on September 14, 2009
Since her death, I can feel Nana watching over me. If the hag thinks I’m stopping 1am outdoor naked time, she’s crazy. Oh Shit. Gotta go.
— lovabledoofus #3929171542 on September 12, 2009
YIPPEE!! They're making Sex and the City 2. They better put a rush on that fucking thing or they're gonna have to rename it Golden Girls 1.
— lovabledoofus #3928668406 on September 12, 2009
@navanax WHAT??? That bitch said she would pimp me out exclusively. Goddamit!
— lovabledoofus #3926500183 on September 11, 2009
I’m creating a book called Twitter Shit. So far I have 1000 “See my naughty pics” tweets and the one you are reading.
— lovabledoofus #3672989695 on August 31, 2009
Change your avatars back! I got a court order for Canadians to stop calling that shit bacon. I don’t want to issue it to the wrong @sween!
— lovabledoofus #3666413353 on August 31, 2009
Holy Shit! Have I been banned from favrd? My tweets from today are gone. Guess since they died young, they're destined to become legendary.
— lovabledoofus #3377016074 on August 18, 2009
My ego is shot since I’m not appearing on favre.com. Seems you folks like a lot of seriously unfunny football shit today.
— lovabledoofus #3362604635 on August 17, 2009
I changed my avatar to make it more...twitterific. That's a milkshake by the way. Oh Fuck...Did I just say 'twitterific'??
— lovabledoofus #3325464448 on August 15, 2009
To keep my heart healthy, I’ve vowed to fuck Less. Now I have rape charges. He’s just pissed that I keep adding that extra s to his name.
— lovabledoofus #3289965995 on August 13, 2009
To hell with Facebook Lite. I’m releasing Twitter Deep. We post really sad shit and star the ones that make us cry.
— lovabledoofus #3268413623 on August 12, 2009
HOLY SHIT! I cannot believe how much I’m overpaying for a gallon of gas! Someone get me to a Starbucks. I need to calm down.
— lovabledoofus #3265541680 on August 12, 2009
Finally got one of them four hour erections they’re always talking about. I gotta say these Flintstone’s chewables are fucking awesome.
— lovabledoofus #3247978768 on August 11, 2009
I know Facebook, but not Friend Feed. What is it that I can feed my friends to? Is it zombies? Now that would be fucking awesome!
— lovabledoofus #3231042826 on August 10, 2009
Raindrops on roses, Whiskers on kittens, Get my dick sucked, My nipples bitten, Pornos with midgets, Girls with big tits, My favorite shit.
— lovabledoofus #2872174419 on July 27, 2009
They posted directions for hand washing in the bathroom. Now if they would just explain how to not shit and piss on myself, I'll be set.
— lovabledoofus #2800217084 on July 23, 2009
If I name my new Facebook group "Scott Peterson should get Skull Fucked 'til He Dies", am I not allowed to use it to trade brownie recipes?
— lovabledoofus #2731128616 on July 19, 2009
I just finished reading Cliff Note's Hamlet. Wow! I did not realize what a fucked up family Pooh's little gay friend had.
— lovabledoofus #2691916891 on July 17, 2009
